As well as saying that all relating is relating to life, we can make some provisional distinctions to help refine our focus into specific areas of life – as and where might benefit us. In these articles I have invited you to engage in a more intimate way with the environment you inhabit (The World), other people (Relationships) and today I would like to invite you to relate in a more intimate way with yourself.
How far will you feel comfortable exploring the limits of your experience will be up to you to work out. For that, there is only one way to find out.
Have fun.
1. Self Care
The words self care can conjure thoughts of pampering; long baths, candles, oils, massage, a good book, maybe some high quality chocolate.
Alternatively, the reality might be that self care suggests that someone just not continuing to place themselves in situations where they sustain damage. At the extreme end of the spectrum this might mean an addiction, be it to hard drugs or an abusive relationship. At the other just not getting drunk as often as they do, or just leaving work an hour early and not feeling guilty about it.
In truth, what counts as self care can exist anywhere between these points. Owning up to where you are at – to the truth – is key to relating intimately in any context. Also, learning what is good for you can take time.
How will you show care to yourself?
How do you do that currently?
2. Draw Yourself
First, try to draw yourself from memory. Then, after you have tried that, do it using a mirror. Then draw yourself from a photo.
3. Meditate
There are multiple techniques and schools of meditation. In my experience those that talk about ‘Just Sitting’ are the closest to the way I am suggesting here.
- Find a comfortable place to sit. Sit down. Crosslegged if you can. On a chair if not.
- Imagine that from the centre of the top of your head, a golden thread slowly pulls you up, until the point that you feel your back is comfortably straight. (You should feel that your back is comfortably straight rather than stretched) The sensation you should be aiming for is that your back feels suspended rather than stretched.
- As far as you can, let your breath begin and end it’s cycle from your belly. Breathing relaxed is more important that breathing deep. Keep it natural and relaxed. Just let it happen. If you wish, as and when it feels comfortable to do so, you can let yourself feel the motion in your body as it expand on the inhale and releases on the exhale. Smoothly. Find where is comfortable. Let your body find its natural rhythm. Above all let yourself be a relaxed observer of this process.
- Count each breath in, an out. Count up to 9 and then start again. Repeat this.
- You may find that your attention drifts, that you realise you have gone over 9. If this happens, just start again, and continue, focusing on your awareness of your breath and the counting.
- The more aware that you become of your counting, and of your focus on your breathing, the greater an awareness you will be developing of that part of you called the ‘observer’. This observer is just a quality of your awareness. It is your sense of having senses. Just being in this state of awareness is the foundation for meditation. ‘Just sitting’ is to be present with yourself.
Remember, meditational practice is the practice of meditation. It is about becoming more aware of the quality of consciousness awareness in order that it will spill over into life. As calming and relaxing as the practice of meditation can be, it is not the only result. Its benefit can extend into all areas of life.
4. Walk
Go for a walk. As long or as short as you wish.
Of course there are many ways of walking so feel free to take your pick. For now please consider these 2 variations.
- Walk without purpose. Have no destination in mind. Just wander. It can pay to know the safe edges of the terrain you are exploring but in general walk somewhere you have never been, without knowing where you will end up. Be aware of how the idea and the action make you feel.
- Go for a long walk, go further than you have been for a while. Walk far enough that you feel it in you body the following day. Feel free to accept the invitation to make some sort of pilgrimage.
5. Eat a Meal
Be as fully present as you can with your food and with the act of eating, from the first mouthful to the last. Chew every mouthful fully. Taste every flavour, feel the texture change. Be aware. See what comes up. Is it easy to do this or are you distracted? Do you want to rush your way to the end of the meal and get on with the next thing? Do you want to look at your phone or a screen in between? Where is your attention and why?
6. Something Old
Do something that you used to do a lot but haven’t done for a while.
7. Something New
Do something you have never done before.
8. Touch Yourself
This does not have to be erotic but it can be.
Firstly it is a simple invitation to become aware of your body. If the idea of touching yourself, of feeling the different textures and sensations that can result concerns you then perhaps there is a question for you to attend to there too.
If relating to your own body is something that you don’t do much of then this can be illuminating, especially if, in an erotic sense, you have become habituated to external stimulation such as erotic images or pornography.
This touch can extend into a form of self love in a physical or erotic way. It may feel unusual or strange if you have been used to external forms of stimulation.
Exploring your body – being with yourself – erotically or otherwise, can help to reconnect to your senses in a deeper way. It can even help to detach from an over reliance on external symbols that may have served to objectify your sexual instincts.
9. Your Philosoply
What is your philosophy of life? Do you have one? Can you write it down? Could you explain it in a single image or would it take a book? Is there any way to summarise it in a single sentence or in an analogy.
10. Make Something
Make something.
11. Explore Your Past
Catalogue your memories. The earliest and the most significant. Put them together in chronological order. Uncover as much as you feel safe and comfortable to do so. Invite your unconscious to bring to mind all images that it might serve you to know in some way. Be aware of anything that might come up in your dreams too.
12. Who are You?
If and when you are ready, ask yourself this question, ‘who am I?’
The answer might not be something you can speak in words. I might be that it can only be felt; experienced.
Part One: Introduction
Part Two: The World
Part Three: Relationship
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