A lot has been said about relationship and compromise, that in order for a long term relationship to last that it requires compromise.
The question is, is compromise really necessary or healthy in a relationship of any sort? Certainly, in order to adapt there will be a need for balancing of needs, but how much is it healthy to compromise the truth that one is? If all parties are seekers of truth, both their own and the truth of the relationship, then where ever that leads, then surely, even if it is not always the most comfortable, perhaps it is the most right.
Truth & Love
That is the theory at least.
The real issue is that some people can be unconscious of the things that they do, or struggle to face the truth, or fear their partners potential emotional responses and hold back parts or all of their truths in order to avoid confrontation.
Some people need moments to express raw emotion beyond the bounds of reason, to flail like a storm, to burst like a dam, to just be up in their feels, or all over the show. At least in the short term, if only because form those places they have a chance to see themselves, to realise a quality within themselves that is perhaps maladapted – some thing out of whack. From such a place consciousness can grow. The alembic of the relationship can offer this, a place where both parties can pour themselves out in measured amounts to be seen and felt – to know and grow.
This requires a commitment to psychological growth and a tolerance. Patience is required, but there is no need for compromise. This is about a willingness to see the other, to be with them while they endure and come to greater consciousness; to better realise the places and ways in their life that they have become maladapted, the places where they are not relating to the other but to themselves – to an inflated sense of themselves, or to an imagined future or a long gone past.
Personal and Relational Growth
The variables are all there to unpack should you wish to do so.
The degree to which this principle can be applied in practice will depend on the individuals in relationship. The degree to which they are comfortable opening up to each other in this way, their discretion and discernment as to the times when it is essential and the times that it is inappropriate or unnecessary, and the range and rate of their emotional and conceptual reflexivity.
A key component to relating is being able to discern where people are at in any given moment – not least ourselves.
The following video explores some of the factors surrounding how we relate to other people and how we can help make it go right (and how it can go wrong.)
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