Wherever there is persecution, war, intolerance, or injustice, it is invariably a consequence of an identification, or an over identification with difference, and moreover, what that difference represents.
In other words there is a separation. One person or group against another.
In this sense, the greatest danger we seem to pose to life – as people or to life in a broader sense – appears to be the result of a sense of being different to, and by extension, separate to.
This position is perhaps best encapsulated by the idea of ‘them and us.’
Separation into camps of similarity is useful. Without it navigating the world would be difficult. Without recognition of distinguishing features, we would not be able to choose between left and right, or right and wrong.
To fixate on this difference though, to focus there in absence of a broader perspective, appears to lead to a position of belief that remains attached to that separation. One range of difference become more significant, more meaningful, and more valuable than another. Black or white, rich or poor, gay or straight.
It is not that this position, that this perspective is without elements of truth.
These distinctions, from the level of our individual perspective can be more significant, more meaningful, and more valuable than another. That in and of itself is not the issue. The issue arises when we cannot comprehend that the same truth can be as equivalent for the other as it can be for us.
My son loves vanilla ice cream. I spent years not understanding it, and telling hime so. Until I imagined the taste of vanilla and imagined loving it as much as I loved chocolate. I still prefer chocolate, but now, when he tells me he loves vanilla, I get it. I really do. Honestly, I’m not just pretending to get it, I really do.
And it is not just that that makes the difference. It is not just that that stops us from separating off into two camps and fighting for ownership of all the ice cream factories and the right to production of our favourite flavours. What also makes a difference is that, from a broader perspective my sense is that we are all part of the same universe perceiving itself. Therefore, whatever individual differences we have, they are a product of variety and complexity of a system of which my apparent subjective experience is but a part.
Coming from this perspective, difference and variation is not a valid reason for persecution or domination over another. It is a product of the thing that I am a part of. If I am the universe perceiving itself, then his choice of ice cream is a choice of the thing that I am, just from a different perspective. As the everything that is I don’t have access to what his experience is, but both experiences are the same thing experiencing.
I still prefer chocolate ice cream. He prefers vanilla. The universe appreciates both.
The same is true of everything.
Does this philosophy have the potential to justify atrocities?
Well, you tell me, You are the universe perceiving itself as much as I am. Creation is not a finished article from where I am standing. It’s a complex system, and I am not party to all of the answers. I just know that it’s ok for me to like chocolate and no longer need to mock my son and invade his country for his preference of liking vanilla.
I can see that both positions can be relatively true, and that the greater truth – that we are both part of a larger system – frames our perceived difference within it.
We are the same universe perceiving itself AND we are all experiencing it differently. Both positions are true.
To think of it only in terms of ‘them and us’ is to get trapped in a smaller frame.
Between Fear and Desire
In life we have evolved to move away from that which causes us threat, and towards that which nurtures, nourishes, or provides us safety.
At the root of us, at this biological level, are drives between fear and desire.
At a personal level what is the question that really concerns people most in life?
Well, maybe it is two questions – or rather two sides of the same coin.
On one side ‘How shall I live?’ and that which corresponds – ‘How shall I avoid death?’
Clearly there are distortions to this principle but in general it holds true. Namely, that we want to live and that we don’t want to die.
And what the value of life is to each person is also different. There are some people who don’t like ice cream at all.
In general it would appear that the vast majority of people want to be free to live according to their own light. To choose the life that feels right and good and true and just and meaningful and valid to them. To not be compelled, or trapped, or enslaved by anyone or anything. To feel secure in their actions, and their choices, to feel safe in their home and in their skin, just to be themselves – whatever being themselves means to them.
Everyone is afraid of one thing more than they are afraid of something else.
In so far as everyone has different desires and different dreams, each one fears one thing more than they fear another.
In this regard it has never been about them and us. That is just the view from the smaller frame. It has only ever been about us. We all have fears. We all have dreams. That we are different seems like the healthiest position to begin from.
The Invitation
Whenever or wherever you encounter conflict, be it in yourself, or in your relationship to others, consider the following. What is this person afraid of? What do they most desire – what are their dreams?
It’s that simple.
It can be so easy to get defensive, to feel that our own position is under threat, when we identify with what makes our perspectives different.
How can we – or in your instance you and the other – be with what you are?
How do you create a space that does not threaten their position, that does not challenge them, or threaten them, because you are not attempting to tell them that the thing that they are afraid of is somehow not valid.
That if they do the same to you that you can see how much they might be motivated by fear. Clearly not always, but maybe. That at some level they are afraid for their life and they just want to feel safe, and in this moment, for whatever reason they don’t.
Can you hold that space long enough for both of you to meet with what you bring. Maybe you don’t need to agree but maybe you can both find a way to share the space in a way that neither compromises each others principles or safety.
We are all different, and we are all the same.
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